DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette when waiting for a ride from someone?
I was always taught to stand outside and wait for the kind person giving me a ride or, at the very least, to keep a sharp eye out.
But when I went to pick up a teenager, he was inside, watching TV. He expected me to go up to his house and knock to let him know that I was there! He thinks I am crazy for expecting him to wait outside for me.
GENTLE READER: The rule has always been, and continues to be, not to inconvenience someone doing you a favor — in this case, the driver.
How that is accomplished has been changed by the appearance of such things as cellular telephones, so that it is no longer necessary to huddle under the nearest overhang in the rain, squinting at approaching headlights.
Miss Manners agrees that even a teenager should not expect the driver to make it all the way to the television. But he could exert himself to watch his phone for news of your arrival.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend has started a romantic relationship, and although I’m delighted for her, I’m now finding the volume and intensity of her conversations difficult.
We don’t seem to talk about anything other than her boyfriend: where they go, what he thinks and how often they have sex.
She’s also become flaky — cancelling plans with an hour’s notice as she’s now “tired.” And she seldom answers the phone or returns a text.
As I’m now the last single person in our group of friends, and she has been a close and dear friend for a long time, I’m worried I’ll be seen as jealous if I say I’d like to talk about other things or that I’d like to be treated respectfully when plans are made. What should I do?
GENTLE READER: How often they have sex? Ewww.
But be patient a bit longer. The reason many wedding vows use the “Tale of Two Cities” best-of-times/worst-of-times rhetoric is that long-term human relationships are not static.
This will be true of your friend’s romantic relationship, and it is true of your friendship with her. If you can have a little patience with her now, Miss Manners expects her to reciprocate when you need her for any number of upheavals, good or bad, in your own life.
But you can still change the subject once in a while.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the last year of my father’s life, he referred to my late mother as both his “ex-wife” and his “former wife.” They were married at the time of her death.
I had learned in school that “ex” and “former” referred to living people that you’d lost to a divorce, where people you’d lost to death were “late.” Am I right?
GENTLE READER: You are correct, except that Miss Manners is not familiar with the phrase “lost to a divorce,” which implies a regret they may not feel. Participants speaking about what they lost in the divorce tend to focus on more material objects.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.