DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in a subway station waiting for my train, standing near a column, when a gentleman emerged from the other side of the column.
I was instantly face-to-face with this man, whose face was missing most of its features, presumably as the result of some trauma.
I am sorry to say I gasped. Very audibly.
We continued to wait for the train, and I didn’t know what to do. I stood there silently, smiling in what I hope was a friendly manner.
I can only plead that the gasp was completely involuntary and reflexive. Should I have apologized? At the time, I thought doing so would just make the situation even more awkward.
I was honestly at a loss as to how to remedy my poor behavior. This happened some time ago, but I have been bothered by it ever since.
GENTLE READER: That is understandable, but Miss Manners believes that you can stop now.
You recognize that your reaction was involuntary, that you felt sorry, and that drawing too much attention to it would have made things worse.
The correct response would have been, “I’m so sorry; you startled me!” suggesting that you would have had an identical reaction to any visage at equally close range.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a four-family apartment building in a middle-class neighborhood. All of the tenants are very nice people, but the landlord is notoriously unresponsive.
I live on the second floor, and I share a stairway with the young lady in the apartment next door. Our doors are a few feet apart.
This neighbor has everything delivered to her. The other day, a delivery was made by a coffee shop. From the trail of evidence left by the delivery person, the lid of the coffee cup must have come loose on the front porch, then the drink spilled through the foyer and up two flights of stairs, terminating at her door.
It was a mess. The coffee must have been an extra-large with milk and sugar.
My neighbor told me about the spill, that she had apprised the landlord of the mess needing to be cleaned up, and that she had left bad feedback for the delivery person.
And that was the end of the story — a coffee-splashed stairway and floor for everyone to try to tiptoe around.
How should I have handled this situation, and who do you think should have been responsible for cleaning it up: the delivery service? the landlord? my neighbor? other?
GENTLE READER: Your neighbor should have cleaned it up, or the building management could have, if they have regular arrangements for such things — although it sounds as if they do not.
But if this goes on much longer, Miss Manners is going to come over and clean it up herself, if only to put an end to the discussion. Even if this was an extra-extra-large coffee, we are not talking about a Superfund site.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.