DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have invited to dinner two old codgers I’ve known for years.
One is a bachelor, and the other has been married for many years, so I also invited his wife to the dinner party. I’m a spinster about their age.
I’ve known and liked the man’s wife for a long time, and would like to socialize with her. She happens to be physically disabled.
Here’s the problem: I was tipped off by the other fellow that the husband plans to bring a “more mobile” young thing, rather than his wife, to my dinner party.
I was very explicit that his wife was invited, and I am now furious that he would even consider bringing someone else. It will never be said that I hosted a dinner party for someone who left his wife at home and brought a charming young substitute.
I’m willing to cancel if that’s what it takes. Do you have any other suggestions?
GENTLE READER: Say how charmed you are to meet his niece.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twice in the past few months, when tidying up the spare room after overnight guests, I have found a guest’s garments left behind.
With a scarf or a shirt, this situation seems easily resolved: Drop the item at the post office with a quick note telling the guest how lovely it was to see her, and how we hoped she hadn’t missed the item for too long.
However, with apparel of a more intimate variety, we find ourselves flummoxed on how to proceed.
What is the most polite course of action?
GENTLE READER: You are not being asked to model these items, or to envision the consequences of their loss. Miss Masters instructs you to just send them back.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work for a very popular doctor at a large optical practice. My issue is that when I ask for payment, patients argue with me about the prices.
Many of them do so loudly, and this is in the lobby, in front of others. They seem to figure that the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
I work alone and need to keep the peace. Between answering calls, collecting fees and taking patients back for pre-testing, and then to the doctor for the exam, time is not my friend. I have much to do in a little amount of time, and I have to keep it moving or there’s a train wreck.
What polite, short, to-the-point thing can I say — with a smile on my face and in my voice — to keep the mood upbeat?
GENTLE READER: As a representative of the practice, you do not want to disparage it, but you can remind the patients of what you can — and cannot — do to assist: “I’m sorry, I don’t set the prices, but here is what I can do to help.”
This last part presumably includes referring them to someone in the billing department or at their insurance company.
Miss Manners realizes this will not solve their real complaint — the cost — but it will remind them that you are helpful, polite and powerless. So they may as well move along.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.