DEAR HARRIETTE: I called my cousin “Joe” to wish him a happy birthday. He and I were born in the same year and grew up like siblings.
Now that we live in different states, we don’t talk as often, but when we do, we like to catch up. So when I called on his birthday, I was excited to hear what’s new with him.
I happened to ask how his wife was doing, and after telling me she’s doing well, he asked me why I have been talking to her about leaving him. I was so confused. I barely talk to his wife — not for any particular reason, just because we don’t really know each other that well.
I explained to Joe that I don’t call her, and he insisted that “he knows” I do and that she’s been telling him what I say.
I told him she’s probably trying to upset him, but he doesn’t believe me.
What kind of wedge is she trying to drive between Joe and me?
— Lying Wife
DEAR LYING WIFE: Reiterate that you have not spoken to your cousin’s wife at all. If you want to help him get to the bottom of this, ask him to invite you over to his house when his wife will be there. The three of you can talk about it openly.
The bigger issue, though, is their relationship. He needs to address that. What is going on and why is his wife introducing the idea of a separation through a third party — you?
Joe needs to address his life head-on, not be distracted by what his wife said you said. Tell him that.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have the opportunity to take a job where my friend will be my boss.
I’ve never worked in an environment with someone I was friends with prior to working with them, and I don’t often make a habit of becoming close friends with co-workers. I’m a bit wary.
This friend of mine is someone I have known since middle school. Our dynamic now is not consistent, but when we do see each other — usually two or three times a year — it’s like we haven’t missed a beat.
I wonder if the fact that we don’t spend much time together will be a good thing if we end up working together. She has a trustworthy and easygoing way about her.
I just wonder what I don’t know about my friend yet that could impact our relationship if she becomes my manager? Am I thinking too far ahead?
— Friend in Charge
DEAR FRIEND IN CHARGE: Talk to your friend about her expectations and her work style. Ask her to tell you how she manages the team and what she wants from you.
Tell her you intend to do a great job, and you want to have a clear understanding of what that would look like for her. Don’t plant any seeds of negativity or doubt. Just listen and learn.
If you do end up being her subordinate, do your best to remember your roles and resist asking for favors or different treatment than she offers others.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.