DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a major dilemma. At the beginning of this year, I shared with my boss that I wanted to leave in about three months to head to a new city.
I gave my supervisors ample notice because I’ve been there for years and knew they’d appreciate me being there to train my replacement.
My company ended up offering me a transfer to an office in the city of my choice; they just requested that I stay put long enough for them to hire someone else.
I started shopping for a home and preparing to move, but my company continued to push back my leave date. It feels like they’re holding their offer hostage.
I am now under contract for a home in California, and my employer is asking for “just one more month,” which they said last month and the one before that.
It feels like if I wait for their green light, I’ll never get to move, and if I go on my own timeline, I’ll lose my job and subsequently not be able to afford the move. What are my options?
— Damned If I Do
DEAR DAMNED IF I DO: Ask your company to make the mortgage payment on your new home until they are ready for you to move. Point out that you have accommodated their request, and now it’s their turn to help you after changing the terms of their previous offer.
If that doesn’t work, it may be time to look for another job since they are stringing you along.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister recently went through a divorce, and it’s been difficult for her.
She has two young kids, and I can see how overwhelmed and stressed she is, trying to juggle her work, taking care of the kids, managing the household and trying to keep her life on track.
I want to be there for her, but I’m not sure of the best way to help. I don’t want to overstep or make her feel like I’m judging her, but I also don’t want to sit back and do nothing while she struggles.
I’ve tried asking my sister if she needs help, but she often insists she’s fine, even when I know she’s not. I worry about her mental health as well as how the stress is affecting her children.
I want to support her in practical ways, like helping with errands, meals or child care, but I also want to be a source of emotional support and comfort without overwhelming her.
How can I be there for my sister in a way that truly helps her and her kids during this challenging time while respecting her space and independence?
— Want To Help
DEAR WANT TO HELP: Why not start with a simple offer like spending a few hours on the weekend engaging the kids? That may mean taking them to dance class or sports practice or designing a special outing to give your sister a break.
This will also help you connect with your sister’s kids and keep their minds off their parents’ divorce.
Be specific with your offers so she doesn’t have to think much. Suggest pizza night — your treat — on Friday, and see how she responds. Offer to pick up groceries the next time you are already going to the grocery store.
If you make it seem like it’s not an imposition to you, she may be more inclined to agree to accept your help.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.