DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m starting a new job soon, and I’ve just turned 30, so a goal I set for myself was to build healthier habits this year. I’ve been trying to establish better routines, be more responsible with money and prioritize my health.
Meanwhile, my best friend still wants to go out and party almost every night, and when I turn her down, she acts hurt or gets upset with me.
I feel like we’re no longer on the same page, almost like we’re living in two different life stages, and it’s becoming harder to relate to her. I don’t want to come across as judgmental or like I think I’m better than her, but the reality is that our lifestyles don’t match anymore.
How can I step away from this friendship without creating drama or making her feel like I’m criticizing her choices? I still care about her, but I’m realizing that holding on to this friendship is starting to feel more draining than supportive.
I’ve tried explaining my perspective, but she doesn’t seem to understand where I’m coming from. In order to respectfully end this friendship, what should I say to my friend?
— The End
DEAR THE END: Tell your friend that you love her, but you can’t hang out with her now.
She has made it clear to you that she doesn’t like your new lifestyle choices, and you are uninterested in doing the things that the two of you used to do together, so it feels like a natural time to part ways.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently adopted a dog, and while I’m excited to have a new companion, I’m realizing it’s a lot more responsibility than I anticipated.
My schedule is hectic, and I’m struggling to find enough time for walks, training and giving him the attention he needs.
On top of that, my dog has started chewing on furniture, getting into things he shouldn’t and acting out when I’m not home, which is creating tension with my roommates.
I love my dog and want to do right by him, but I worry that I’m not providing the care, guidance or structure he needs. I’ve tried a few training techniques I found online, but they don’t seem to be working consistently, and I don’t want to accidentally make things worse.
I feel guilty leaving him alone, but I can’t be home all day with work and other commitments.
How can I balance my busy life with properly caring for my dog, keeping him happy and healthy, and correcting his behavior in a way that’s effective?
— Doggy SOS
DEAR DOGGY SOS: Clearly, you need help. It may be a stretch financially, but I recommend that you look into doggy daycare. There are facilities that welcome dogs for the day; employees play with the dogs, groom them, feed them and walk them. Plus, your dog gets to socialize with other dogs.
Right now, your dog is acting out because he is lonely. You have to solve that.
Another effective solution is to get a kennel for your dog where he can stay while you are away. Many kennel-trained dogs feel comfortable and happy in their kennels while their owners are at work.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.