DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should you respond to a mother-in-law who always calls you fat?
We only see my MIL a few times per year, either when we fly her here to visit or we fly to visit her. Every time, I jokingly make a bet with my husband on how long she will last before making a rude comment about how much weight I’ve gained.
She said I was fat when I was in great shape. She said I was fat when I was carrying baby weight from giving her two perfect grandchildren.
Before we visited her last summer, I worked hard and lost some weight. She still said I had “gotten fat.” I corrected her, saying I had actually lost weight and was wearing size 10 jeans, which was a great accomplishment for me. She thought I was exaggerating and said that I can’t wear a 10 because she wears a 14-16 and is “not that much bigger” than me.
Now I’m nine months pregnant, and she has arrived to help with the older two children when we go to the hospital. It only took about a half-hour before she started laying into how much weight I’ve gained, saying she’s never seen me this big before.
I never thought she would be so insulting when I am literally days away from delivering. It’s getting under my skin this time, and I have been crying over it.
Next time she comments, I think I need to put her in her place. What should I say?
GENTLE READER: Miss Manners suggests starting with, “I’m nine months pregnant!”
When this response is no longer accurate, you may say, “Please do not comment on my weight. I would never dream of saying something about yours.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When flying, I often find myself subjected to the unintentional elbow jabs of my seatmate.
I always make a conscious effort to remain within the boundaries of my seat, carefully avoiding encroaching on anyone else’s space. However, on my last flight, I was elbowed repeatedly while attempting to sleep. (For the record, I have been assured I am not a snorer!)
I’m certain my fellow passengers aren’t doing this on purpose, but the repeated nudging is becoming unbearable.
I don’t wish to create a scene or risk being removed from the flight, but I’d also love to know if you have any elegant, perhaps even quippy, way to handle this situation without resorting to calling a flight attendant.
Also, I wonder whether your advice would change depending on the seat I’m in. I am typically a window-seat traveler, though I’ve found myself in the middle seat more than once, much to my dismay.
GENTLE READER: The annoyance is the same no matter which seat you are sitting in. It just feels more injurious when you are suffering in the middle already.
Miss Manners suggests you react to the jabs by looking startled and even producing a small yelp. When your seatmate realizes what caused this, you may say good-naturedly, “We’re packed pretty tight in here.”
And if you are awoken? Add, “I hope my being asleep wasn’t bothering you.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.