DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, “Chris,” from our teenage days. We’ve been performing music together for decades. We live in different cities but get together every few years.
Over the last 20 years, Chris has turned toward a fundamentalist viewpoint on religion. I found it too much to handle and distanced myself.
Recently, Chris contacted me to inform me that his mother had died. I felt sincere about being supportive and helping him get through the loss, so we started performing music together again.
It was going well, and he wanted to record one of my songs. When I mentioned I had a demo of it, he asked me for it. I realized too late that the name on the file — “Pagan Christmas” — might be an issue.
I received this message back from him a week later: “I like the chord progression but was a bit put off by the title. People I care about also found the title offensive. I’ll do my best to purge it from my memory in the hope that you can present it later with a more inclusive and marketable moniker. I cannot contribute to anything that could be perceived as having anti-Christian bias.”
Abby, I’m going back and forth between trying to ignore his message and being angry. Can you advise me on how to handle this situation?
— CONTENT CREATOR IN WASHINGTON
DEAR CREATOR: Nursing anger is a waste of your time.
Apologize to Chris for the oversight. Tell him you didn’t realize the title of the piece might offend him until after you had already hit the “send” button, and then see what kind of a title you can agree upon.
If you are unable to reach a compromise, tell him you would prefer that he not use the song.
DEAR ABBY: I am a single, 52-year-old woman, never married with no kids. I suffer from depression as well as a number of severe health issues and live alone with three cats.
Lately, I’ve been feeling lost and confused about my life. I don’t know how to live my life since I got sick. I miss being active with family and friends like I used to be. I’m confined to my house almost all the time.
Please give me some advice on how to be less depressed, and how I can be more active in my life again and not dwell so much on my health issues.
— CAT LADY IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR CAT LADY: People become depressed for many reasons. Because your depression is ongoing, it’s important that you discuss it with your physician. A psychologist and medication could help you to cope more effectively with your challenges.
As to how to become more active in your social life, because I don’t know how restricted your health issues have made you, I advise you to go online and contact a support group or foundation for those who have the same medical conditions you do. You may be able to find suggestions and community there.
Being able to talk with others who are in the same situation can often be productive.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.