DEAR ABBY: Once a month, I meet for lunch and cards with three women I have known for many years.
We have lots of fun, but it is bittersweet for me. I am aware the three of them get together and communicate often, but not with me. What really bothers me is they attempt to hide it from me.
I’m considering dropping out of these get-togethers because I feel hurt that I am being excluded. Or should I just try to ignore it?
— LEFT OUT IN INDIANA
DEAR LEFT OUT: These women may for some reason feel they have more in common with each other than they do with you, and they are secretive about their communications in an effort to avoid hurting your feelings.
Do you have friends other than these women? If the answer is no, start looking around for activities you can join so you can meet new people. In the meantime, while looking to broaden your social circle, do your best to enjoy this one.
DEAR ABBY: My father and stepmother have a vacation home in another state, and they invite us to visit every year. The problem is, the sofa bed in the guest room is so uncomfortable that it’s impossible to sleep.
They think that the bed is great because other guests have told them that. I find it hard to believe that the other guests meant it. I assume they were just being polite.
We have to fly to get to the vacation home, so it’s not possible to visit only for the day.
The situation makes me not want to visit because going for days without sleeping is miserable. However, I’m afraid it would be rude to tell them the truth about the bed.
I’m running out of excuses about why I can’t visit. Please, I need help.
— RESTLESS DAUGHTER IN NEW YORK
DEAR DAUGHTER: For heaven’s sake, quit waffling and tell your father and stepmother the truth! Regardless of what previous guests have told them, the bed in their guest room is not comfortable for you. Saying that isn’t rude.
If they can afford a vacation home, they can afford a new mattress or let you share the expense.
DEAR ABBY: My parent has gone on to have other kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. Because there are so many, the families have had to split and have their own holidays, so we don’t have a close relationship with the younger members.
Some of them continue to invite or expect gifts for baby showers and other occasions, but we really have no relationship with the person it’s for. I understand we are “family,” but at this point, this is generations back, and at events, these relatives don’t even speak to us.
Is it OK to draw the line somewhere? If I go to an event, I will of course give a gift, but is it all right to not attend or send a gift?
It doesn’t help that they usually don’t give gifts to other family members for their events, and when our gifts have been received, there is never a thank-you.
— MUSING IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR MUSING: When you receive an invitation to an event from people you barely know, you are under no obligation to accept. You are also not required to send a gift. If you are feeling generous, send the person a nice card and include a sweet note with your well wishes.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.