DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to give someone an item that one found?
I found a really nice bracelet at a park. I took it to my jeweler, who confirmed that it was made of 14-karat white gold, with diamonds and garnets.
I tried my best to find the owner, placing an ad in a local online publication. It has been some weeks now, and no one has claimed it.
Someone dear to me has garnet as her birthstone. The bracelet is in a style that I imagine would appeal to her.
She is not one to wear much jewelry besides her wedding rings — often just simple earrings when dressing up. But this piece is dainty and the stones are not ostentatious.
Would it be OK to give the bracelet to her?
GENTLE READER: As etiquette prohibits you from snatching a gift back out of the recipient’s hands, Miss Manners recommends against giving away something to which you do not have a clear title.
This will save you the embarrassment of having to explain to someone who sees the notice after returning from an extended stay abroad why you no longer have the bracelet. Or of explaining to your friend how you came by an exact replica of her grandmother’s bracelet, which the grandmother lost on a walk in the park last month.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: After 25 years at the same company, my role was eliminated by the parent corporation. When it comes to former co-workers, who should call whom after such a job loss?
I consider this something like a sympathy situation, and wonder if the remaining employees should call or write me to offer their support.
If I should want to keep in touch with some of my work associates, should I make the first contact? If I have not received any contact, should I assume no one wishes to do so?
Is there any convention for this situation?
GENTLE READER: There are multiple conventions, depending on whether the relationship between the current employee and the departing one is personal or solely professional — and also, unfortunately, on whether one wants to do what is proper or what is commonly done.
All too often, employees pretend the person fired never existed, which is both heartless and foolish, as it convinces bosses they will get the same response whether they make good decisions or bad ones.
But Miss Manners objects to treating such departures like deaths. Besides being unduly pessimistic, this makes personal assumptions about the terms of the separation and the feelings of the former employee. Such assumptions may be inaccurate and even condescending.
Employees whose jobs are eliminated should be treated the same as other departing employees. You may reach out to actual friends or they may reach out to you — just be prepared to find out that some people you thought were friends are not so loyal when they do not see you at work.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to communicate “dressy casual” on an invitation?
GENTLE READER: With a decoder ring.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.