DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had a recurring situation happen for the past five years — since I have been married.
My husband and I enjoy taking photos of us together using a timer on the camera. We have fun with the random photo expressions and experience joy this way. We set up a camera or phone on a tripod, then count down until it clicks.
Almost every time we do this in public, a stranger will quickly come up and ask if they can help us by taking the photo. I respond with, “No, thank you.”
I say it kindly, but it still causes an unpleasant feeling every time. It is met with severe shock, disbelief and often facial disappointment on their part, and there is often a lingering negative emotion hanging around.
I understand they come from a place of wanting to help. But should I have to explain why we don’t need their assistance?
I have recently tried saying, “No, thank you. This is fun for us, to do it this way.” But that doesn’t work, either.
GENTLE READER: Perhaps a slight variation on that: “Thank you so much, but it’s just a thing we do,” accompanied by a self-deprecating laugh that says, “Aren’t we silly? Wouldn’t you prefer not to get involved?”
Miss Manners feels reasonably certain that if you execute that last part successfully, most people will acquiesce.
If you want to tailor it to different generations for maximum effect, you might replace “thing” with “tradition” for the older set, and “trend” for the younger. The former may still look puzzled, but the latter should understand.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to know if I am justified in feeling miffed.
Let me set the scene: I was the second of three people waiting in line to pay for our purchases at a shop in our small town. The proprietor was the cashier, known to all of us.
First Person in Line was having a spirited conversation while her purchases were wrapped and bagged. Third Person and I maintained our silence.
However, after First Person said her goodbyes, Third Person started right in — loudly conversing with the proprietor about people I knew nothing about and usurping my opportunity to fully enjoy an important part of my local shopping experience. I could barely get in a “yes” when asked if I wanted my gifts wrapped.
Am I right in feeling slighted?
GENTLE READER: Sure. You waited patiently for your turn and were robbed of a good gossip with your local proprietor.
With any luck, it was a singular offense. If it happens again, however, you have Miss Manners’ consent to insert yourself into the conversation: “Who are you talking about? Liza? I’m not sure I know her. I do know Lisa on Mulberry Street, and she’s a doll. Her cherry trees are in full bloom right now. Have you seen them? Oh, you definitely should …”
This should teach Third Person to wait their conversational turn.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.