DEAR ABBY: For years, my husband and I have socialized with a small group of couples, now empty-nesters in their 50s and 60s.
We meet at our favorite neighborhood bars for happy hour, live music, dancing and other city events, and we have a great time.
Over the last year, one couple has started inviting several of their 20-something children and a grandbaby (yes, to the bars, at night) to hang out with us. It becomes loud and messy the more the “kids” drink. The conversations are different, and the baby cries, and it has completely changed the vibe of our get-togethers.
I like this couple but not particularly their kids.
Is there a tactful way to redirect our get-togethers back to just our mature group (rather than “family time”) without damaging friendships, or should we suck it up or bow out?
— UNPLEASANT TIME IN THE WEST
DEAR UNPLEASANT: Poll the other members of your group about how they feel about the younger adults and the baby being with you.
You may discover you are not the only ones who aren’t comfortable with it. If that’s the case, then someone is going to have to speak up and object. However, if you and your husband are alone in feeling the way you do, the two of you should bow out and socialize with other friends.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 29 and in a 10-year relationship with my boyfriend, “Justin.” Things have been rocky since his business went under last year.
For months, I have been working 10 shifts a week at two jobs to cover our bills, including a mortgage. Barely seeing each other has put a strain on our relationship.
I never intended to develop feelings for another man, but I have them, and they are real. “Brad” and I work together and talk often. He makes me feel a way I haven’t felt in years. There is innocent flirting — nothing sexual or inappropriate. We don’t communicate outside of work.
In my mind, we haven’t crossed any lines, except that I have developed feelings for him. I believe he feels the same about me, although neither of us has put it into words. Brad is very shy and doesn’t talk to most people. He works two jobs and goes to school.
I don’t want to leave Justin. I love him, and we are good together. But I can’t ignore what is happening inside me right now. Help, please!
— TORN IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TORN: Working two jobs is, to put it mildly, stressful. I can see why your relationship with Justin is strained. You are exhausted!
I can also understand why you might welcome the distraction of a flirtation with Brad. However, unless you have left something out of your letter, Brad hasn’t asked you out even for a coffee, let alone to leave Justin.
I’m not suggesting you ignore the feelings you have been developing for Brad, but I am telling you to focus more energy on fixing what has gone wrong with your relationship with your boyfriend.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.